How to Make a Large Charitable Donation

How to Make a Large, Charitable Donation

Most people, if they know what they're doing, make the donation anonymously. That way you don't end up on every charity hit list of people begging for money. But isn't that kind of boring? Put that generous gift down under the name... anonymous. Well that's lame. It would be better to give a fake name, so charities still won't be able to track you down and beg for money but at least there will be a name attached to the donation. Now, most fake names are reasonable and plausible--their only purpose is to hide the true identity of the person who invented it--but why not have a little fun? Use an intentionally humorous fake name?

If I'm ever fabulously wealthy and decide to give a large sum of money to a charity or charitable institution I'm going to use a funny fake name and stipulate that my donation hinges on the fake name being made public. This building was made possible in part by a one million dollar donation from... "Heywood Jablowme." Put that on a plaque! This will be part of the agreement--they have to place an engraving outside the building that commemorates the generosity of the wealthy and reclusive Heywood Jablowme.

I think Heywood Jablowme is my favorite fake name like that because it is the most implausible. Take, for example, the name Craven Moorehead. I've heard of people with the last name Moorehead and I can imagine somebody with the first name Craven. Amanda Love? That one is obviously possible. Seymour Butts? Same thing, there are people with the first name Seymour and there are also people with the last name Butts, although diligent parents would never combine the two. But Heywood Jablowme? I've never heard of anybody named Heywood and I've certainly never heard of anybody surnamed Jablowme. The Jablowme family? Mr. and Mrs. Jablowme? Preposterous.

Now I'm going to level with you right here: this was actually just an elaborate explanation of my theory on why the PBS show "NOW with David Brancaccio" is underwritten by Nathan Cummings and William B. Weiner.